A First Month

My little bunny is still super sleepy, so this picture was taken in a very short window of alertness! She is a nursing champ and seems to love bath time. Her vision is getting a little better and she appears to focus on faces more and more! 

2 weeks old and such a great baby! She sleeps well at night and is highly predictable! I can't get enough of her sleepy smiles! She farts like a man and it makes us all laugh!

Three weeks have flown by in a haze. We have kept up on our regular routines and Eva hasn't missed a single day of school! She is so happy to be a big sister. She tells strangers she meets that she has a new baby sister! She is so proud!

 

Our first big family outing was to go see Santa at a local farm. I was worried about exposure to germs, but there was no way I wasn't going to take Eva to meet Santa so we packed up the gang dressed in spirit (look at our little elf!!) to meet the man himself! Eva was overjoyed and had star shock for sure! She told Santa that she wants Baby Butterscotch (the horse) and "the baby that eats bananas" (a Baby Alive toy)! Molly telepathically told him she just wanted an unlimited amount of nursing sessions!!
 

Welcome Home

Our first day home was overwhelming for everyone. Eva erupted into jumps of joy to have her mommy and baby sister home and her whole family back together under one roof. She simply couldn't stand her own excitement! Grandma had prepared her for all the changes that would be coming along with Molly's arrival home, but focused on all the good things like that she could fit on my lap again! Eva just couldn't get enough time on my newly available lap! 

I made a BIG effort in those first few weeks home to have Eva view herself as part of the caregiving team and not 1 of 2 children. I thought this would help with feeling jaded and jealous and it definitely did. She helped give her sister sponge baths, chose her clothes and pulled out the wipes. After each task was complete, she would high five and say, "Go team!".

Eva couldn't get enough of Molly and I couldn't get enough pictures of them together, even during a screaming competition!

Molly was a great baby right from the start. 

She latched immediately and had zero issues nursing or sleeping. 

She never had her nights and days reversed and on our first night home she was only up ONCE! 

Molly and I certainly have a special bond already, but she seems to be quite the Daddy's girl. It's wonderful to see their relationship take off so quickly. I think that is part of the joy of second parenthood-all the anxiety of "am I doing this right??" is gone, so there is only love!

Eva and Molly are already thick as thieves and seem to share a secret that I will never get to know. That's just how I want it! 

Maternity Living=Jane's Carb-Fest 2012

Me and my sun, my moon and all my stars!

Daddy and his Littlest Girl!

Molly was born on Friday afternoon and visitors arrived shortly after! When I had Eva, she spent her first few days of life living on her own in her little apartment in the NICU so I only got to spend about an hour with her before she was whisked away. Molly, perfectly healthy and strong, got to start life off living with her parents! I was overjoyed to have her right there with us. It was a strange feeling to have her in the middle of the day, rather than the middle of the night. My phone rang off the hook all afternoon and visitors started pouring in just hours after I was sliced in half! 

Eva and my mother were our first visitors. Eva entered the room and scanned it. I thought she would be searching for her sister, but nope, she searched for me. She locked eyes with me and gave me a once over and saw that I was ok and I could feel a sense of relief wash over her and she relaxed. She said, "hi mommy" in her sweetest sweet girl voice and then looked for her baby sister. She hopped up on my bed (very gently and with support not to touch mommy too much after a gentle hug) and she got her first look at her little sister, whom she named. The smile that spread across her face was precious and priceless. Her sister was here and she was happy. Then, she got a look at her hair and her expression changed and tears welled up, "Mommy, I wanted her to have yellow hair just like me!" and she cried. I don't think she had that much hope wrapped up in hair color, I think the day had been confusing for her and she felt such a surge of emotions seeing me in a hospital gown looking haggard, wanting to hug me tight but not being able to and meeting her sister that she just bubbled over. I took a deep breath to warn my incision and then I hugged her tight. The tears increased at first and then disappeared. She quickly asked to hold her and when she had her cradled in her lap, she rubbed her hair, kissed her head and smiled a smile of pure contentment. She was ready for her role as big sister. It was time. 

Eva meets her Molly!

Having baked Molly on nuts and veggies as a Gestational Diabetic, I was elated to have my baby born without sugar issues and to be given a green light to EAT! I ordered pizza for dinner. It didn't sit right with me and made my stomach hurt for quite some time. I had pancakes for breakfast the next morning and 10 minutes later I vomited so violently that I would have sworn I popped a stitch. My stomach simply couldn't identify these foreign food items and rejected them entirely. I wanted to binge on brownies and bagels, but I was forced to take it slow. But it was delicious on the way down!

Molly May

I recovered well and was able to walk around and feed Molly as much as she wanted. She latched immediately and had zero issue breastfeeding right from the start, unlike her sister. She became irate on night two when she started to want more than colostrum and my milk was not yet in and she had dropped quite a bit of weight. We gave her some formula and she was a happy happy girl who slept like a dream! The bad side of our hospital stay was the gas I had. This was my second C-section so I knew how important it was to get up and move to relieve the trapped gas, but I had no idea how bad trapped gas really could be. I walked the halls of the hospital as much as I could manage. I sat with my knees up as much as I could stand. I drank peppermint tea and took gas x. The trapped gas was so bad that it moved to my shoulder and I seriously felt like I had been shot. The gas pains were so bad at times that I thought maybe they had left a sharp surgical instrument in me during the C-section. It was horrible and lasted for over 3 weeks post delivery. 

Going home!

We headed home on Monday morning and were greeted by Grandma and Eva, who was very emotional about me coming home. She had cried everytime she had to leave me at the hospital, sobbing, "I want to be with my family!". It broke my heart over and over again, We were home now and weren't going anywhere again. She would sob and laugh and hug and kiss like she may never get to do it again. She loved giving Molly her first bath at home and we made an effort to have her view herself as part of the caregiving team and not one of two children so she would not feel slighted.  We were so happy to be home and learn the ropes as a new family of FOUR!

November 23, 2012: A Birthday

Happy Birthday to Molly May Shire!

12:56pm

6lbs 6oz

19.75 inches

Perhaps I ate too much turkey yesterday?? My mom got up with Eva this morning which allowed me to sleep in an extra hour. At 8:04am, I was standing in the kitchen making toast for breakfast, when a full-fledged labor contraction shook me and nearly brought me to my knees. 10 minutes later, another one. Then all of a sudden, they were consistently 4 minutes apart. 

My mom had been planning to leave at lunch time to head back to Richmond and we were without our planned backup friends to watch Eva because they had traveled to NJ for Thanksgiving. By 9:30am, I turned to my mom and said, "I don't think you are going home today." We both ran around a little bit (well, as much as I possibly could while having wildly painful contractions) getting ourselves and Eva dressed and ready for a possibly loooooooooooooong day. I alerted my husband that it could very well be Molly's birthday and called the OB. They called back almost immediately and told me to definitely head into triage. 

We got in the car and my contractions slowed momentarily. I hadn't had one for 12 minutes and started to get concerned they would just send me home from triage.  Then, suddenly, contractions were about 2-2.5 mins apart and I couldn't sit straight up because I felt what seemed like a head pushing into my rectum with each contraction. My mom and Eva dropped me off at the hospital around 10:30am and Matt met us there (he works across the street from the hospital and I knew there wasn't time for him to come all the way home and pick me up). 

By the time I was checking in at the desk, I was draped over the counter clenched in pain. Luckily for me, triage was a ghost town so I was taken immediately for my vitals to be checked and then right back into a room where they hooked me up to the monitors. The nurse left me to my own devices and went to watch my contractions on their monitors without having checked my cervix yet. She clocked 3 contractions, 2 minutes apart and each lasting 60 seconds. So you can do the math to see that I had a minute of rest between the most intense contractions I have ever had. I simply couldn't get my feet under me with them and was literally gripping at air trying to brace myself, but to no avail. 

The nurse came back in and I looked her dead in the eye and said, "I don't want to play this game!". I was a scheduled csection for December 6th. I was unwilling to sit around in this brand of pain when the end result was surgery either way. She checked my cervix, which was not an easy nor enjoyable task as my uterus is very posterior (hence the csection) so she was practically elbow deep trying to check it. Once she was able to find it, she hopped right off the table and said, "5 cms" and she practically bolted out the door to return a moment later with someone to put in my IV and with all the admittance paperwork. She was my new best friend.

Within minutes, I began to convulse with labor shakes, something I also had while in labor with Eva. When I asked why they happen, the nurse said "usually it means that labor is progressing very rapidly...let's finish this paperwork in the elevator..." and we were on the move up to the OR. 

A host of new nurses and an anesthesiologist appeared in the pre-op room and began asking all of their questions, none of which I was able to answer because I was stuck in a constant state of contraction so I would shake my head and my husband would provide the answer. One obnoxious surgical nurse tried to tell me how to breathe and I almost kicked her in the face! I didn't need or want her advice...I wanted her to show a sense of urgency and scrub up and get me going!

I was thrilled to see the anesthesiologist until he told me that the OR was occupied and I may have to wait for it to be emptied.  They were working on a skeleton staff the day after Thanksgiving and would try to get a second crew and room open for me, but if they couldn't, he couldn't do anything for my pain. I would be getting a full spinal rather than an epidural and the spinals only last for a certain amount of time and then cannot be adjusted the way an epidural can. If he gave it to me now, it would run out in surgery. I nearly full on panicked at this information. Waiting for that one OR room was not an option in my mind and I had a quick mental conversation with my deceased father and begged him to make it happen. At that moment, I didn't care if they had a janitor and a candy striper scrub up as long as the anesthesiologist, the surgeon and a pediatric nurse was present! 

My dad came through, as he always did and they told me they were able to open a second OR and it would just be one minute more. I began to cry. Not because of relief or pain, but due to the realization that she would be here soon. After two years of heartache and anxiety, my baby girl was almost here...

Through blinding contraction pain, they administered my spinal block as I sat on the operating table and I could have sworn I was sitting on Molly's head! I had instant relief as soon as the spinal block was in and also an instant gush of warmth-my water had broken! 

Matt entered all scrubbed up and without time and/or presence of mind to bring the camera in with him and it was go time. 

There was Christmas music playing. It was joyful!

It also took F O R E V E R!!! 

Having had an emergency C-section in the past, it was less that five minutes before Eva was out into the world. This time, it was almost an hour. We eventually got a little bored of the anticipation and moved on from talking about how excited we were and what she may look like and discussed all the laundry we still had to do at home! That's about the time I felt an increased pressure, then a sudden relief of weight and then heard two things, the doctor say "LOTS of hair!" and then the beautiful music of my beautiful baby girl cry as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer played. Her cries led to our sobs of relief, of joy, of grief. As I welcomed Molly on her birthday, I also grieved those two precious babies who never came to be. I relieved myself of their heaviness and will only focus on their light as we have turned this page in our story.

Molly is here. She is safe. She is healthy. She is perfection.

I am a lucky woman.

37 Weeks: Thanksgiving

37w0d: This Thanksgiving, I reached full term status at 37 weeks! I have so much to be thankful for. I have a happy and loving marriage to a man that makes me laugh and strive to be more like him (he is so kind and forgiving!). I have my sweet Eva, who shows me every day what my purpose in life is. I have a home I love in a community I feel safe to raise a family in. I have a job that allows me flexibility and will afford me time with my girls. But, this year, I am most thankful for third chances.  I cannot wait to hold this baby in my arms and wish her a happy birthday!

36 Weeks

36w0d: I had my biophysical profile ultrasound along with a Level 2. Baby girl is measuring 5lbs 12oz currently and is perfectly healthy! She is doing all her practice breathing and kicking me like a champ in the ribs!

36w1d: I was supposed to get my last hydroxyprogesterone shot today (YAY!), but the nurses were all pulled into an emergency meeting or situation or something so I either had to forgo the last shot or go to maternity triage to get it. Well, we all know how I feel about triage, so I skipped the last shot.

36w2d: I went with close friends to see the last Twilight movie today. It was very ominous for me because we had planned to go see the last Harry Potter movie the day that Eva was born preterm. I was very conscious all day of the intensity and consistency of my braxton hicks contractions.

36w4d: I had another biophysical today because of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. Still breathing and kicking and got some great 4D photos of her! Can't wait to meet her and kiss those cheeks! I am convinced she will have a TON of hair because I continue to have fireball acid reflux.

36w6d: My mom came up to spend Thanksgiving with us today. Eva is always so excited to have her Grandma come to visit and I am so happy to have Thanksgiving come to me with someone else willing to cook the turkey!

35 Weeks

35w0d: I had my weekly biophysical profile ultrasound today and everything went well. I got to see great shots of her in 4D, which is always a treat! Was given my second to last progesterone shot as well. I was so exhausted after poor sleep this week and the 50mgs of benedryl that it was super lucky that Matt drove Eva and I home because I completely passed out in the car!

35w1d: Eva was born on 35w1d, so this is a milestone day! Eva went to a friend's house for dinner so Matt and I could go on a date--our last date for awhile I am sure! I wasn't the sexiest date though as I totally peed myself at one point! Luckily it was dark in the restaurant so you couldn't obviously see the wet spot on my pants! I cheated/treated myself to dessert after a high protein/fiber meal and we got chocolate cake. It was amazing AND my numbers still came in under!

35w2d: I am officially more pregnant than I have ever been! :-)

35w3d: I went to a friend's baby sprinkle today. She is due just a week after I am! There were tons of pregnant women at this shower, but I am the one on deck to have the baby first! That's an exciting place to be!

35w4d: It was unseasonably warm and gorgeous today! Eva actually said she didn't want to go to dance class because she wanted to play outside instead. Once we got to dance, however, she was super happy to be there as always.

35w5d: We got some baby gear items assembled today, which made me feel good to be able to cross at least something off of our to-do list!  I went to class tonight and had to tell my students that if I go into labor at this point, they will not see me again this semester! I guess I really need to catch up on grading!

35w6d: I had my regular OB appointment today. Baby's heartrate and my belly measurements were all great. I am still about 1cm dilated, maybe a little more, but not enough to say 2cm.

34 Weeks

34w0d: Happy November and happy mommy for reaching her goal of 34 weeks!! I had my BPP and shot today. Grandma got to see the baby during the ultrasound, which was a special treat for her and then she drove me home to take my post-shot coma nap!

34w1d: Eva had her school Halloween parade and party today. She was very weirded out and uncomfortable about seeing her teacher and her friends all in costume. She eventually settled in, but it took her an hour to do so!

34w2d: Grammy came out to play with Eva while Matt and I did some Christmas shopping. We got everything but a few stocking gifts for Eva from Santa and a few things for some other people on our shopping list. While at Home Goods, I suddenly started to trickle and became concerned that my water had broken. We went home to let me rest.  Later, Matt's brother and his fiance came over to watch the Irish and I ended up having to be so rude to go lie down because I was getting really strong and regular contractions that came with lots of nausea as well. They did eventually stop and there was no further trickles or gushes of fluid so I am still pregnant, but I definitely was thinking it was go time for awhile there!

34w3d: We crossed of a big "to do" off the before the baby comes list today by going to tag this year's Christmas tree. Eva was very excited to choose her sister's first Christmas tree! It was FREEZING!!

34w4d: It was "bring a friend" week at Eva's dance studio so she brought one of her friends and was so proud to introduce her to her teacher!

34w5d: Election Day! I took Eva with me to vote at the township building and the A-L line was 2.5 hours long! M-Z was in and out in 35 minutes, thankfully! Eva was very disappointed though because she was under the impression we were going to choose our new "presents" not "president"!

34w6d: I had a regular OB appointment this morning. She checked me to see if I am dilated at all due to all the contractions I have been having= 1 cm! I told her that the baby has been quiet the last few days, but that I am still feeling her of course. She sent me to get a BPP to be sure that baby was good and that there was no additional need to consider bed rest. The BPP went well, but they still put me on a mini bed rest where I can still go to work, but I am supposed to rest as much as possible while home, which is much easier said than done when you are an at-home-mom of a 3 year old!

33 Weeks

33w0d: Watched a friend's baby this morning. Eva is a great helper, but I am definitely becoming less available to provide baby comfort considering I have a baby in the way of where you would typically cradle a baby! Also had a BPP ultrasound and got my progesterone shot today. BPP went well! Baby girl has been super cooperative with them and does all her movements and her breathing really quickly!

33w1d: Took Eva to her friend's house for a playdate and dinner. Eva is really starting to play with other kids her age cooperatively rather that just playing alongside them, which is so fun to see!

33w2d: Went to get myself and Eva fitted for my brother in law's wedding party this afternoon. Eva was so thrilled to try on the flower girl dresses and although she was shy coming out of the dressing room with each change, she couldn't get enough of herself in the big mirrors as she twirled!! Getting myself sized for a bridesmaid dress was interesting, considering it is hard to predict what size I will be in a month, let alone in June! Eva was devastated to leave without the dress so we went over to Sears for her to pick out a new dress to bring home. Her choice? A velvety Santa dress!

33w3d: Did some work on the nursery today by hanging up some decor and organizing some clothes. Still lots to do! We also prepared for Hurricane Sandy to hit our area by freezing lots of ice bags, doing laundry and running the dishwasher, filling up our cars with gas and taking hot showers!!

33w4d: Hurricane Sandy hit the east coast fiercely! We were very lucky that the worst of it missed us entirely. We never lost power and no trees went through our roof, which was really our main concern about the house. Bigger than that, I know that big storms can send women into labor so I was very nervous that I would be traveling out to the hospital in a Hurricane in preterm labor! Luckily, baby girl made it through safe and snug inside!

33w5d: Everything was closed in the area today for Sandy recovery. Matt was home and we got some things crossed off the baby list, but for the most part, we just caught up on rest and play time with Eva.

33w6d: Happy Halloween! Grandma came today to spend the next few days with us. Eva wore her cowgirl costume proudly all day and as soon as her friend arrived to go trick or treating in a princess dress, Eva wanted to change into her Sleeping Beauty costume! She had a great time trick or treating in the neighborhood as a princess wearing cowgirl boots! I stayed behind to give out candy with Grandma because I was contracting regularly.

32 Weeks

32w0d: Level 2 ultrasound and Biophysical Profile today. Baby girl weighed in at 4lbs 10oz, which seemed HUGE to me considering Eva was born at 35 weeks weighing 5lbs 8oz, but apparently it is right along the 50th percentile line. She was very cooperative and did lots of deep practice breathing and all the movements they were looking for her to make. We got some great pictures, including one 4D shot that looks just like Eva shortly after she was born!

32w1d: I had my regular OB appointment today. Those appointments are seriously ridiculous when I am having all these ultrasounds.

32w2d: We took Eva to the Fair Hill International Horse Festival today because she is simply OBSESSED with horses. It was much better than we were expecting it to be and Eva had a wonderful time watching the horses jump, petting miniature horses and doing all sorts of crafts! She loved getting a unicorn painted on her hand and making a sand art horse necklace! She even got to ride a school bus, which she has been dying to do since the neighborhood bus stop is right outside our house.

32w3d: We got family portraits taken today at Carousel Park, which is a horse farm in addition to a state park. Eva was more cooperative than I expected her to be and we got gorgeous pictures! I am so happy with them!

32w4d: We hung the large tissue paper flowers I had custom made on Etsy for a mobile above the crib today and I love them!

32w6d: Baby girl was super quiet today so I had to pay close attention to my kick counts. She started bouncing all around when I had a bit of ice cream though!