I have some catching up to do here. I am aware. We have spent a month with our specialist and have been given some information about what may be going on with me and I will get to all of that, but I am working in my basement and a song just popped up on shuffle that ripped my heart out and has left me sobbing while my sweet girl sleeps.
You know that Phil Collins' song from Tarzan, "You'll Be in My Heart"?? Yeah that fucking song.
It is December 30, 2011. Tomorrow we will celebrate the end of 2011, not in a nostalgic way, but in a "piss the fuck off" sorta way. 2011 started for us with a cancer diagnosis for my father-in-law, continued on with the loss of an unborn child in April, the sale of our first home which was both a blessing and a stabbing because it left our proverbial wallet bleeding, the wicked death of my father in law, and the loss of a second unborn child in November. 2011 was riddled with loss for my family. We are blessed to have our health, our home and of course, our sweet Eva. We are strong for that.
I look at 2012 as it approaches and whisper to it that I welcome it's arrival and don't request it to bring me riches or spoil me with all that I want. My heart just begs it for mercy.
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