As I said in August, we had plans to try again to get pregnant but they were all messed up so we decided to just put it off one more month. That was the new plan. And of course, as plans tend to go...
Matt's father, John, had been very ill with inoperable esophageal cancer that has metastasized to his liver for many months. My father in law was diagnosed in January of this year, but was sick for quite awhile before that. The first round of chemo went very well. Much better than anyone had hoped or expected. By March, he seemed like a new man, a healthy man with a positive outlook. By May, the tables had turned and John was in and out of the hospital with a variety of symptoms that made the situation appear increasingly grim and sinister. By July he had decided to end treatment. Matt spent the majority of summer weekends at his dad's house in Lancaster. When we left for South Carolina in August, Matt had said what he needed to say and was at peace with the concept that he may not see his father again. He lived on edge all vacation waiting for the phone to ring with his brother, mother or step-mother on the other end telling him he needed to come home.
The phone rang with that phone call after a week on vacation. John was in a hospice facility and was still alive but it was really bad and he wanted to see Matt. We ran off the beach, packed up in a frenzy and threw all of our stuff, Eva, and Brady into the car and headed home to face the end.
We stopped in Richmond over night and got to the hospice center by Sunday afternoon. John was in and out of clarity all Sunday but made clear eye contact, squeezed our hands when we held his and made attempts to talk to us when we all spoke our goodbyes and "i love you"s. We stayed in the Lancaster area Sunday night and saw him again Monday morning. He was no longer alert by the time we headed home.
That Monday was very rough for Matt. He was filled with so much anxious energy waiting for that phone to rings telling him he was at peace that he simply couldn't and wouldn't sit still. He was exhausted from driving and tried to go to sleep early but couldn't. I offered him a Tylenol PM and he refused it. Sometime after midnight, in the earliest moments of Tuesday, August 23rd, Matt reached for me for some comfort and our plans to wait a month fell to the side.
My father in law passed at 6:30 on August 23, 2011.
The call came along with a sense of finality for all of us. We expected it, but it still wasn't fair. Eva has lost two of her grandfathers. How could that EVER be fair? Matt's nervous anxiety continued that entire week leading up to the services. No one quite knew what to do with themselves. John had made most of the arrangements himself, which was a blessing at the same time it was a curse. There just wasn't anything for anyone to do to busy themselves.
The services on the following Saturday were beautiful. A true firefighter's tribute. He would have been so proud and so pleased!
Today is Tuesday, September 6th. This date is notable for two reasons.
1. It has been 2 weeks since my father in law passed.
2. I am now two days late...
No comments:
Post a Comment