It was all for nothing.
I called my OB the next morning, saying, "I got it. Now what?". The nurse called me back about an hour later and said she had been misinformed. She was going by how many technical weeks I had been (half way through the 8th) and not by how far along the baby measured (half way through the 6th). Turns out I wasn't far enough along for them to be able to do the chromosomal testing on the tissue.
I could, however, take my little treasure in its ziploc bag and go to maternity triage at the hospital, wait for hours on end because I am literally of the lowest possible priority because I AM NO LONGER PREGNANT (i write that in red because it makes me see in red) so anytime a pregnant woman signs in with whatever random issue, I get bumped to the bottom of the list. But if I wanted to endure watching woman after woman being admitted to have their precious babies hour after hour, I could do so and I could bring my baggie. I could have them confirm the miscarriage via triage ultrasound, then get wheeled through the entire hospital down to radiology for the thorough ultrasound I had last year (I have walked this course before, remember) to have a THIRD person confirm our loss just over a lab test technicality. Then I could give them my "sample" and they could send it off for special testing from there. So if I want to sit through hours of mind-numbing pointlessness, humiliation, slap in the face after slap in the face to get it tested on the off chance it was a chromosomal anomaly, when it is completely likely that the test will tell us nothing, or what I thought was the embryonic tissue is actually a strange blood clot, or the sample I captured isn't large enough to test, or that it wasn't the result of any genetic misfires at all and all I end up with is anger, lost hours, and seemingly endless depression to go along with a huge insurance bill.......well if I want all that, then yes, I can have it tested.
The anger bubbled up in Matt and I so fast and so fiercely we could have hardly anticipated it. No we do not wish to put ourselves through that, but thanks for the opportunity. We will pass.
When we regained some sanity, we decided the information the test would give us would not provide us with any sense of peace. If these babies were struck with chromosomal bad luck twice, then the absence of a specialist finding anything will tell us that or genetic testing will show us we are both carriers for some whacked out crazy genetic situation. We will get our answers. Even the absence of answers will be answers. And when they come, even that won't give us peace.
Peace is not in the answers, it's in the solutions.
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